literature

OutCasts chp 1 pt 1

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Literature Text

A man walked up the drive way looking up at the white house. He smiled to himself. "Nothing feels better than being home for once in awhile." He ran a hand through his silver hair. He walked further up the drive way, taking a left to the side bath that leads to the door. He stopped and looked at the green ivy that had spread across the front window. He groaned in frustration, "And more work has to be done to make sure this house looks nice." His head slumbered as he forced himself up to the door. He reached into his front pocket of his black dress pants pulling out a key to unlock the door. After unlocking the door he walked in reaching to his right and flicked a switch turning on the hall light.

"It takes you long enough to come home." A woman said from the living room in front of him. She stood up from where she was sitting and looked at the man. He long black hair flowed down to her mid back. She walked over to him crossing hr arms and pouted like a little kid. "Why did it take you so long Felius?"

Felius smiled at the woman. "Well, Mikiko, I had to cross the Atlantic sea then take another plane to get to California then take a taxi because someone forgot to pick me up at the airport."

"but I told Daniel to go get you." Mikiko said, slightly confused.

"That must be why I was never picked up. Because the bastard went and did something else." Felius said.

Mikiko pouted, "Fe-Fe! Be nice!"

Felius put his hands up in a surrender gesture, "Alright alright. I'll be nice, Miki."

Mikiko smiled, "Good!" She then hugged Felius and he hugged her back. "I am glad you came back for your birthday. I was beginning to miss you."

Felius smiled, "I missed you too Miki." They then broke apart. Felius grabbed his bags and walked to his room that was down the hall to their right. Felius opened his bedroom door and threw his bags on his bed. "Where is Poki?"

Mikiko was about to answer but arms went around her waist and a light red headed male kissed her neck. "Why don't you wake me up when you wake up Mikiko?"

Mikiko giggled, "Because Poki your up all the time and I prefer you get your sleep."

Felius rolled his eyes, "Nice to see you Poki." Poki looked up and smiled at Felius. "Nice to see you too Felius." Poki looked around, "Where is Daniel."

Felius shrugged, "He is probably out somewhere in the forest acting like he didn't have to come pick me up at the airport."

Mikiko shook her head, "Poki and I are going to go find him." Felius waved them off and they left. Felius then took out his journal walking over to his desk and opening it to a new page.

'May 21st, 2011. Well Snowflake didn't pick me up at the airport, the little bastard. It is nice to see Mikiko again. Poki also, though sometimes I wish they would keep the affection between them when they are alone. I tend o get lonely when they do that in front of me. I don't have anyone. Even after 35 thousands years or so, I haven't find one person I would love to spend the rest of my life with. I won't lie. I have been with a lot of women, but they meant nothing to me. Well except for one…. But that can wait for another day and another place. I have to unpack my belongings anyways. -Felius'

After he put his journal entry in he closed the journal and stood up. "Alright lets do this." He then turned his attention to his luggage.
The first chapter is gonna be kind of short but it's me trying to open it up to better longer chapters.

The amazing cover was done by ~Kiwitiger
© 2011 - 2024 Germanydoitsu
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Ayane458's avatar
Again, I like the idea, but you may want to edit this a bit. 'Nothing feels better than being home for once in awhile' could be written better by taken out the 'for' or 'in awhile' -like 'Nothing feels better than being home for once.'

Your sentence structure varies very little in the first paragraph -He walked, He ran, He stopped... It can sound very monotonous.

'It takes you long enough...' should be 'took'.

There are a few other instances of grammar, but there is one in particular during dialogue. Here's how I remember it:

'Let's eat, Rachel!'
Let's eat Rachel.'

Grammar. It keeps us from eating each other.

Again, like the idea, but you should probably edit it some more.